so i feel like i cant talk to my friends about everything and anything and thats not good.. this makes me feel like i need to branch out and make new friends.. like GOOD girlfriends.. what ive been looking for since like my 10th year of high school.. i always seem to find someone then they do something to betray me and it just slips away. why do they not care? dont they want that one loyal ride or die friend?? i know i do... but yea. the last one i had was the best i think. we were so much alike and she was always there for me until the end. we had ONE major fight pretty much and thats what ended our friendship... but not really even. its wierd its like something in her changed and she was a different person and didnt care about trying to fix whatever the problem was.. oh well everything happens for a reason i guess. im always down for talking things through and being civil to eachother. but that takes two. i realize things may not be the same as it was but why not bury the hatchet and move on! anyways the reason i am talking about this is that i feel like the "friends" i have now are judgmental and hypocritical when it comes to certain situations and thats not how friends should be at all!! they are suppose to be honest, and supportive and loyal and i feel thats something they are lacking. some are also pretty selfish. im just fed up with certain high school shit from them.. now i understand why some ppl branched off. sometimes i feel like doing the same and i wish i didnt.

things in my love life are pretty confusing as well. i keep thinking that this person is gonna change. hes gonna do something to make me smile and do whatever it takes to keep me around.
idk what im gonna do. i wanna be treated like a queen as i treat him as a king. i wanna be treated like my feelings matter. i wanna feel like i have a man who never wants to see me cry, or be upset, or sad. if you say you wanna spend forever if me dont act liek you wont care if we never talk, or see eachother, or break up! what kinda shit is that. and then get mad at me if i question if he cares.. he cares to a certain extent and if he cannot commit, if side jobs for a little money, and extra activities are more important then the one your with be single! if you wanna come off as single to certain ppl then be single!!!!! if im not your everything, then i want to be nothing cause im done with these games. either act right or lose me forever. ive given him enough chances..but at the same time this person is like my best friend, more then my boyfriend he is my everything. i would be losing who i feel like is my only good friend right now. my only support system (idk why i feel like that tho) ugh. and i kno if i end it he wont be my friend... i dont even wanna end it but i cant keep sitting here HOPING he will change when things just keep getting worse.

SO CONFUSED

sad

what A horrible week. i just hate being sad.. im so confused. i just want him to love me like i love him.. but its too late.

i need to move on.

but he will never find anyone who loved him like i did.